Feng Shui Fuck Up

Balloon Art
Originally uploaded by almondprincess.

As some of you may know, I recently took a wonderful Feng Shui class with R.D. Chin at the Open Center. It's 5 elements Feng Shui and one of the main premises of that school is the power of intention. If you arrange your home in a Feng Shui manner and believe that having two bedstands, two chairs, two lamps and two of everything in your bedroom will attract a relationship, than the power of your belief/intention infuses your life and brings about the happy result.

So.... I've been working on Feng Shui-ing my apartment as much as I can. Rose Quartz in my relationship corner. Movie star post cards in my career corner. 2 of everything in the bedroom. I had done some careful decoration in my bedroom's relationship corner, when I thought I successfully attracted myself a new suitor. However, I put up a "Sex-starved Hell Cat" retro pulp fiction postcard, which might have been not so wise. (Sex-starved implies single or unsatisfied.) Then I put up some pictures of 1970's male models in their underwear on the beach. I had mixed feelings about whether these would attract a positive relationship or attract strange tan sleazy men. Then.... came my big Feng Shui Fuck Up.

Saturday night, I was looking forward to a second date the upcoming Tuesday. I mean, really looking forward to it. I met my friend at a bar and his lovely girlfriend joined us at last call. She was fresh from a Bachelorette party, where she had picked up some inspiring balloon art. She gave me one! I was extremely grateful and decided I would put it in my relationship corner. I thought it might amuse/intimidate my potential new suitor. Well.....let's just say, there is definitely not a new suitor anymore. Merely, a brief/pleasant moment in time.

Anyhow, I realized that perhaps the giant black phallic symbol was to blame. In fact, it had performed some metaphysical intimidation on an alternative plane of existence and scared off "a really great guy." Or did it? Anyhow, it's so nice to think this was not a Romantic Fuck Up, but in fact a tragic Feng Shui Fuck Up.

I have since popped the offending yet lovely balloon art, destroying it's evil powers. I will be careful with my Feng Shui corners (especially my relationship corner) in the future.